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I’m allergic to lush, green lawns and also mowing them.

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I’d get business cards if I was less embarrassed by what I do.

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Thanks for being the kind of boss who is even more determined to leave early than I am.

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I can hardly smell that you’ve decided to start riding your bike to work.

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At least not having an office window means you’ll never know how nice it is outside.

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My condolences on all the small talk you must endure because of your desk’s proximity to the elevator.

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Happy Bragging About Biking To Work Season.

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Congratulations on making your inevitable breakup expensive and legally complicated.

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Let’s make the most of spring by eating lunch directly outside our office building

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Happy birthday to someone who’s getting better with age in the ability to conceal how old they really are.

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